Top Ten Reasons to Own a Trike:
My head trauma [a politically correct term for "brain damage"] has
given me a lot - tons! - of thumb-twittling time. So, instead of using
my ever expansive time watching, my favorite channel, Game Show
Network, I've emailed my Dad requesting that he give me writing
assignments for my future trike zine.
Here's my original email to my father:
Hey Dad,
I'd like to use my empty, expansive time to work on my writing.
See, even though I have a soft-spot for libraries, and I've almost
finished my Library Science master's degree, I believe I'm really
supposed to be a writer.
With my zines, I've always been a writer of some sort, but I'd like to
make my writing touch more people.
I know for sure, in the future, I'm going to write some kind of trike
zine or website. This zine/site will have trike-related articles, ride-
re****ts, reviews [I'd like to have reviews of trike components as well
as things like music and zines, in general].
So Dad, this really is an application to Jim's college where I plan on
majoring in writing. Could you come up with some assignments?
You can have me do things like write a business letter to some made-up
company concerning some made-up problem, short stories and poetry, a
newspaper article regarding some made-up story, or just make up
something...
How can I make my writing touch more people?
***
And here's his response:
Ok, the professor is back in the house.
Since your object is to create a trike zine that is both educational
as well as entertaining, I think your first assignment is to write an
article called the "Top Ten Reasons to Own a Trike."
Good luck,
Dr. Carter
I know there are many more reasons one should triker, but I could only
come up with six. So, reader, here goes:
***Six reasons you should ride a trike***
There are many reasons why one should own a trike. In fact, because of
personal preferences and the subjectible nature of "fun", there's
probably way more reasons than the ones I have listed here.
Although this list goes from One to Six, it's not an order of
preference. In other words, number two isn't a better reason to trike
than number five. I'll let the reader decide their im****tance.
Here are six reasons why you should ride a trike. Can you guys think
of any more?
Regards,
Cullen
www.comatimes.blogspot.com
**Six Reasons Why You Should Own A Trike**
1. Environmental reasons
I really got into cycling when I was in highschool. I was a punk
rocker, and, like a lot of P.C. punks, I also called myself an
environmentalist. And, even though I'm thirty two, and am totally out
of touch with the music, I still hold a lot of the same punk rock
beliefs. I'm not going to let things like my disability and damaged
brain make me stop cycling. If only more people would've made the
bicycle their main mode of trans****t earlier you'd probably noticed it
each time you took a breath of air, I'm sure.
2. Unlike a bike, a trike can carry a lot of cargo
Because a trike has three wheels, it's much easier for the cyclists to
carry heavy cargo. Plus, a trike has more room to store the cargo. I
think all one has to do is look at this [http://justcoffee.coop/files/
images/On%20the%20Cargo%20Trike.preview.jpg] guy to get a clear idea
about the trike's carrying capacity.
3. Groceries
I know this ties in with number two, but since most of us don't live
on a farm or have close, friendly farmer friends, we rely on the local
grocery store to supply the food we use to fill our hungry, growling
bellies. And we regularly drive our automobiles to the local grocery
store to stock up on our food needs.
One could easily complain that, by using a slow bike instead of a fast
car, their milk would will spoil, or ice cream melt. Because, as point
two states, trikes have a lot carrying capacity, a trike could easily
carry a cooler of some sort to keep those cold perishables from
spoiling.
4. Attracting girls [or, for girls: Guys!]
I'm a very happily married gentleman to a beautiful, smart, cunning
woman named Allyson. However, my trike has tested my fidelity toward
her.
See, every time I take the thing out for a ride, some beautiful and,
dare I say, ***y female stops me to talk about my trike.
For example, last summer I was triking through a park when my trike
caught the eye of some, dare I say, voluptuous, ***y eighteen year
old [ I hope] babysitter sitting on a bench watching her kid swim.
I stopped at a nearby water fountain to fill up my water bottle.
"Oh," I hear behind me, "Is that yours?"
I turned and looked at the questioner. Man, in my bachelor days I
would've been all over this op****tunity. But, like I wrote, I'm a very
happily married gent. So, I responded, "Yes, it is mine," hoping it
would end right there. But, she let out a flirty laugh.
"I bet the ladies are totally attracted to a thing like that," she
said with a flirtatious wink.
I had to end this early before it escalated into something I might
regret. "Yes, my wife loves it!" I said.
"Oh, you have a wife?" she glumly responded pointing to my trike. "I
was going to ask you out because that thing makes me so hot!"
I smiled uncomfortably, adjusted my trike, and said, "Goodbye."
I heard her let out moans of disappointment as I pedaled away. And,
this isn't the first time something like this has happened!
So, bachelors - or unfaithful married assholes - if you want something
that, in the words of my eighteen year old admiring babysitter, makes
girls "hot", get yourself a trike.
5. Passengers
After you've attracted that eighteen year old babysitter, you might
want to take her out on a date. As one can see from the picture below,
it's possible trans****t people via trike:
I bet a thing like this would make you a very popular person. And, I
guarantee, you'll be a trendsetter because people will instantaneously
recognize how ingenious a trike is. Especially a trike like the one
above.
6. The Coolness factor
As one can see trikes are a very cool thing. Unfortunately, in recent
times, people have been so transfixed with the automobile to realize
how cool the trike - or, any other velocipede - is. I guarantee that
once you get a trike people will line up outside you front door
wanting to be your friend. And you'll probably be the person people
say was the person who turned them on to cycling. This is especially
true for me: When I ride my trike, It's visibly apparent, from the
walker strapped to the back, that I'm disabled. I'm sure some people
think, when they look at me and see my trike and walker, "Jeez, if he
can do it, so can I."
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